Episode 4: Happiness

At the outset, I’d like to differentiate between Big H Happiness and small h happiness. Big H happiness is what we may be experiencing as an extreme emotion, laughter or bliss or momentary joy, feelings that are generally held in opposition to sadness and anger. Little h Happiness is contentment. This is the feeling before we get pulled to either extreme, Happiness on the one hand, and sadness on the other. This is our unconditioned state, the newborn infant at rest before the desires of the world overcome them. It is resting in this condition that we will be pulled to Happiness or sadness, for they are two sides of a coin. That condition which made you happy will then make you unhappy once that condition is removed. Our emotions are strings which pull us to either extreme, the sooner we can find the center again and rest there, the less likely are to identifying and attaching a sense of self to these ever changing patterns of energy. We can still be pulled one way or another, and certainly will be, we just no longer dwell in these states even though some of these states are enjoyable.

 

It feels good to be happy and so we seek out that which makes us feel good. In fact many an industry has popped up around the promise to make us feel good. Advertisements promise that if we buy this - or do that - we will be happy, or at least have the appearance of happiness. We buy in to it every time - because we are vulnerable. We want to find happiness and meaning. Society has a way of reminding us that we’re not quite there, not quite complete, not quite good enough and these adverts promise to fill those voids. Truth is that if we are seeking happiness in some external thing, we will always be missing something because there is always more, always something newer or better. This is what keeps the whole business alive. If the advertised promises were true, we’d have seen the end of advertising long ago. 

 

Each one of us know what it’s like to work to attain something and then to be let down upon that attainment. Or to then realize that it wasn’t what we thought it would be. Or that it didn’t change us, or the perception of us, the way we’d hoped for. We have seen it again and again that happiness is not found in any object or status, though we might experience spontaneous moments of happiness along the way as we become lost from time to time in the work of achievement. So we can see that happiness can not be found in any thing, but can be found in selfless doing. Happiness, the true and lasting variety - not the commercially marketed version - must have been accessible to ancient humanity, which is why you will not find happiness in the latest gadget or trend. Technology itself is a condition which takes us further from seeing and connecting with our deeper unconditioned self where happiness resides. See again the gentle smile of an infant at rest. Happiness is primitive, basic. It is also a fiction as something outside of you to be gained. 

 

I often wonder if the modern concept of happiness has done more harm than good, in that it has sent us out on a fools errand. When our feelings of happiness involve the group’s well being, this is a net benefit, but the pursuit of individual happiness is sure to produce feelings of selfishness and greed. Two insatiable appetites. Now that our perceived happiness has become individualized, we will stop at little to meet the need a tiny urge, not to mention what we’ll do to satisfy a life-long desire. We seem to always want more and rarely allow ourselves to be at peace with what is.

 

We weren’t MADE to be Happy (bigH), we were made to feel that way. Just as we weren’t made to be sad always. We were made to satisfy our immediate needs to ensure our collective survival. Sometimes these feelings, say the feeling of happiness, is a biological way for our bodies to communicate beneficial activities with our minds. It feels good to procreate, so we do that. good to be kind, so we continue to do that. This is true of sadness, we generally avoid that which makes us feel sad, like being untruthful or rude. Now, it seems like the drive to make oneself happy is actually having the opposite effect. Is this because we have been misled about what it means to be happy? 

 

Individual happiness, if misunderstood, is pursued with reckless abandon, will lead to selfishness and suffering. Selfishness and happiness are incompatible. What we’ve decided to broadly call happiness is simply feeling good. “I will be happy if I feel good all the time” is now how we see it. This selfish posture is sure to lead to unhappiness as we begin to view our own needs as superior to the group, partially because we accept that we are living in an individualized society which praises individual wealth and self-sufficiency. We see everybody taking, and so we take. There is no way for us to be happy if we have (almost) everything and our neighbor has (almost) nothing. Yet this is the current state of things to one degree or another. We are all so frightened that there will not be enough help in our time of need, that we hoard -for the future- that which would most certainly help someone now. I wonder, does this seeming selfishness impact our (ability to experience lasting) happiness subconsciously? 

 

As we continue to consume more and more, believing that our happiness is in there somewhere. We’ll begin to take and take, thinking that if we first secure our own, we can then help others. This is a backwards way of looking at it as we can see that there is never enough. This, what we now have, is never good enough for any of us. Just look, people are no longer happy with millions, they need billions. There is no clear target when you’re hypothesizing an imaginary future for oneself, but when you’re focused on the needs of individual people right now, the target its clear. Having spent years volunteering my time, I can say that there is great happiness in losing yourself to the service of others. When the ego sleeps, we can really connect. This “me first” attitude is a consequence of our individualistic way of living. We are too scared to help because often we’re afraid of help itself. We have been conditioned to believe that it is greater to achieve something alone and for our own good, than to achieve something together and for the greater good. Our society will continue to fracture as individualism becomes more prominent and the needs of the individual take precedent over the needs of the whole. We see that now, extremely, in comparing billionaires with individuals living in extreme poverty. Is there a world in which this resource gap could be tightened? Is it possible for everyone to be happy?

 

There is a mediation practice in the vipassana tradition called Metta in which the meditator brings to mind people, including oneself, and wishes them well. Wishes that they be happy and free from suffering. This practice was challenging for me at first because the wish for everybody to be happy could be devastating if the definition of happiness has not been agreed upon. If happiness is defined as what anybody wants or desires or makes them feel good, we could get into a lot of trouble really quickly. But if we rather define happiness as freedom from the mind made self, the monkey mind narrative, free from identification with random thought, then it's easier to wish these people happiness. I believe it was the Dalai Lama who said that “There is no greater happiness than that of peace.“ I have no problems wishing peace of mind to all of humanity, especially to those who need it most, those who I previously had a difficult time bringing to mind and wishing them well. If it is true that peace will bring about the greatest happiness, we ought to find a way to make peace with everything in our lives, starting with ourselves- our own mind made story. The simplest thing to make peace with is the mind, which is also where we find the most struggle. When we see what’s appearing in the mind as empty phenomena, as appearances, it is much easier to make peace with that, than to make peace with an angry individual say. It is this peace of MIND that we generally overlook because we feel like some external condition must change in order for us to be okay mentally. Mental constructs, in theory, should be more easily overturned simply because they are mere appearances in the mind. Though this is easier said than done because we mistake that which appears in our minds as our “self”. Happiness is a mental position. The degree to which we are unhappy is a trained mental position. Meditation is the ‘un’ training of the mind. Happiness begins from within.

 

Happiness is never found out there, in fact it is only found in the nows that you cease to see as moments themselves. There are no moments floating around out there, there is only this here and now. It is when we lose track of our Selves and Time that we find what we may call happiness. It is when these two concepts fade from our story spinning mind that we can finally enjoy this now, this one thing, this reality. Happiness. I believe this is why exercise, sports, drugs, movies, TV, and other entertainment become so enticing. It is the very best of these which cause us to lose ourselves in them. We can immerse ourselves inside these activities and put the stress of living behind us temporarily. But is it possible to free our minds of this constant story being spun without the use of external distraction? Yes. This is the key to lasting happiness.

 

There are many ways or paths to take to find what we call happiness. But it is not a destination. Happiness just happens along the way, along the path. There is no end in this life, no final destination. Once we let go of the promises made by our respective societies, remembering that these are imperfect mind-made constructions in constant flux, and lose our selves and have the awareness that this is the only moment that matters, we will be momentarily free to experience joy, happiness. I’d almost go as far as saying that true joy or happiness is most truly embodied when it is felt for another’s sake. When we can recognize that we are not okay until we are all okay. Happiness can happen when we find enjoyment in another’s success, when we become engaged in an activity to the extent that all of what we’ve collected and called our problems, suddenly vanish. A moment of clear seeing. Completely void of self and ego. This is what we are training our minds to do, to continually bring our attention back to the original unconditioned awareness. 

 

Once we recognize the randomness of our minds thoughts, we can begin to let them come and go without making them part of our story. Just to illustrate this clearly, in your mind, picture the face of a person. Now choose someone else, then someone else. Why did these particular people pop into your mind? A face just showed up as you looked, and this is the randomness of which I speak. Surely our current mental position will influence who shows up and how we feel about them, and I directed you to turn your attention in that way, so we can see that it is not completely random, our immediate influences shape everything around us. Our mental conditioning will interpret each moment or event accordingly. In other words, our interpretation of the world will coincide with our mental state and its conditioning. There is simply no way for us to acknowledge beauty in the natural world if we are suffering mentally. However, the beauty does have the chance, and I believe its purpose is, to cut through the mental darkness, even temporarily, and provide a glimpse of hope to the suffering mind.

 

Everything is just happening in this moment and there is little we can do about it than just say, yes, here it is, the moment - then act accordingly, if actions are necessary. This is where the concept of non-judgement is very useful. Our unhappiness is a judgement. Our judgements are often unreliable as they are dependent on our current understanding and interpretation which is always changing. Yet we tend to make two mistakes here: 1) making the judgement in the first place, and 2) clinging to that judgement as self or fact. Clinging to that, which by its very nature will change, is a great source of unhappiness. Taking note of the judgement with the understanding that our view is always limited and changing, is a way to move forward. 

 

Perhaps one of the greatest things we can do is to let go of the idea that we are supposed to exist in BIG H Happiness - a fleeting feeling, as all feelings are. A lot of time these feelings are biological feedback which have guided us through our evolutionary journey, helping us to stay alive and procreate. These desires to achieve a certain mental state actually keep us from the peace we need. These desires also leave us vulnerable as we will likely trade long term health, both mental and physical, for short term stimulation. This is readily apparent in drug use. This vulnerability is being capitalized through commerce and is using advertising as that tool. We have collectively turned towards that which makes us unhappy to then give us the solution for this unhappiness. It is important for us to remember that we are already in possession of the most incredible thing, life with trainable body and programmable brain. We have the ability to always access our breath and the feeling of life running through us. Feeling this is LITTLE H happiness.

 

There are essentially as many definitions of happiness as there are people living. As we’ve seen this has dire consequences in that finding happiness for oneself has become our primary driving force. I suppose we’re living with those consequences now as billions of us seek to make ourselves happy regardless of the footprint we leave behind. In fact, there is quite a bit of social pressure for us to be happy even if we are unsure what that means, which leads to further mental confusion. Happiness is putting the wants and desires of others above your own. Happiness just happens when the mental conditions are right regardless of the situation. Happiness is a mental position, not an external situation. It is a middle ground. It is neither extremes, bliss or sadness. See the infants face at rest. It is that unconditioned state which we aim to access through meditation, free of judgement, resistance, and attachment where happiness resides. It’s simply being okay with what is, then taking right action at the right time. It’s the mental clarity to know that your perceptions are just that. We each have a limited view and this view is constantly changing. With each new neural connection or piece of information our vantage point changes ever so slightly that it seems foolish to rely on our immediate perception of things as fact or as reality upon which to act.

 

It is said that happiness is how we feel when get what we want - and unhappiness is how we feel when we get what we don’t want. If this is true, we can eliminate much of our mental suffering simply by altering our desires. Examine the root and reality of a desire. If we look closely, we may find that our desires are not entirely ours, they are simply feelings rising out of constantly changing conditions. Keep an eye on this next time you scroll endlessly or watch television, how often you are overcome with feelings of want, desire, anger, or jealousy simply because something chanced into your awareness for a moment and has captured your attention. If we are not mindful of what we are letting into our minds, these external influences can hijack our awareness for its own purposes and we can find ourselves serving an invisible master. One who is never satisfied. We can find happiness, small h, when we no longer look to the outside world for the definition. However, we can use that outside world to define what will not lead to happiness. Just when you think you know what it is, ask yourself if it is a sure bet. If you think it is money or material success or fame, look to those who have achieved those things and notice whether it has worked for them, whether they have achieved some lasting sense of happiness, or if they too are still seeking. We are free when we can see clearly that happiness can be found here, exactly where we are. There is nothing extra needed, we all have that which we need to be happy, and that is mindful awareness, a clear thinking, non-attachment, non-craving mind.

 

We can all be happy, so long as we are interested in the well-being of others. If we can learn to put the needs of others above our own, we can be happy. If we can relieve our minds of the constant clinging to, and identification with, thought, we can be happy. Indeed, to be content is to be happy. Just for a moment remember that all you now have, you once wanted, just sit in the peace of that for some time. Remember that “There is no greater happiness than that of peace.“ Make peace with your mind and free yourself from mental suffering. Be happy with what is, be happy that you have the ability to experience the vast array of human emotion. Talk to a stranger, make eye contact. Listen. Not only with your ears but with your body and your heart. Re-connect with humanity, with nature. Go camping in the wilderness. Lie on your back outside at night and contemplate the stars. Recalibrate your position in the universe. These are just a few ways to access happiness within. It will just happen. Happiness just happens, but not when you’re looking for it. And once you’ve got it, you can share it, for you will be radiant like the sun.